How to (not) write a CV

Over the past couple of years I've read well over a thousand CVs for software development roles. I see the same problems time and time again. Sometimes I'm shocked by some of the things I've seen so I decided to write this post, mainly to vent. Bear in mind that reading CVs can be a subjective exercise (although I try to be objective) so take this post with a pinch of salt.

My biggest gripes

• 2+ paragraphs about video games you play - this may be great on a CV for the games industry but not for the roles I've been hiring for.
• Link to a github with no commits/projects or just forks - waste of my time.
• Three or more pages of waffle - most successful CVs are no more than 2 pages and they are succint.
• Link to your personal website full of unrelated fan-fiction or anime doodles - please keep any links SFW. I've seen some very NSFW things linked to from peoples CVs and I've also been rickrolled.
• 1/4 of the page is a minecraft inspired depiction of yourself.
• The same information in two places, for example listing all the education institutions you attended in one place and your grades in another.

Really don't

• Swear or be obscene (I can't believe I've seen this).
• Give me your opinion on politics or industry figures (yes he was terrible but do you really have to rant about him on your CV?).

What you should do

• Be consice and to-the-point.
• Be consistent in language and spelling.
• Only include relevant skills and certifications. I don't care if you are a handcuff picking expert so please don't elaborate on that (yes I've seen this).
• Top heavy - all the important and recent stuff first, including in the subsections too.
• Avoid confusing language. I once had to reach out to a colleague to help me decipher an opening paragraph.
• Avoid complex layouts - I'm attempting to read a bunch of CVs in one sitting, I don't need to spend 30 seconds figuring out the order to read it.
• Proofread your CV, have others proofread and listen to their feedback and then proofread again and proofread again and again and again and again.
• Look out for typos such as "diving licence" and "asses", those are very common.
• Provide a short cover letter specific to the role. Personally I like it when someone includes a cover letter as long as it's short and specific to the role and the individual, non of this "To whom it concerns, I am a brilliant person. I work well in a team and on my own. yada yada yada."

Some minor things

• Name and contact details can be put in the header to free up space, don't include your NI number or blood type.
• Page margins shouldn't be huge.
• First statement should always be about you and your passion. It should be short and sweet.
• Just whack “Referees available upon request” at the bottom. No nead to dox anyone yet.
• Personally I enjoy reading a very quick sentence near the end of the CV about hobbies and interests. This usually gives me an impression about how well-rounded and honest an individual is.

The majority of effective CVs I see are in the format

• Opening statement about personal values and passion for industry.
• Relevant job roles, each role has a short relevant summary and lists transferable skills applicable to this position. (sometimes this comes after the next point, I don’t think it matters much).
• Education section listing highest obtained first. Unless particularly relevant, GCSE is usually at the bottom and summarised like “9 GCSE grades Merit to C”.
• Hobbies and interests - very brief and not in any details. Something like “Besides being a keen developer and researching new areas of code, I am also an avid gardener and enjoy spending time with my family.”

Although some of the above seems like satire, unfortunately it's all based on my experience with real CVs for Software Development roles.